Phineas J. Magnetron, 1843-1901(?)

Phineas J. Magnetron was born Phineas J. Mugglesworth in West Chester, Pennsylvania, in June of 1843.  The child of merchants, he was a poor student and exhibited no indications of mechanical or engineering promise even as young adult.  In April of 1861, he enlisted in the Union Army and went to war.  An adequate soldier at best, he was wounded two years later at the battle of Chancellorsville, and disappeared into the chaotic fog of wartime.

Fortunately for Mugglesworth, his limp, tortured body was discovered at the edge of a thick Virginia forest by Dr. Yngve Hogalum, the renowned scientist, medical doctor, and adventurer.  The victim of a serious head injury, Mugglesworth remained unconscious for weeks while Hogalum tended his wounds.  Upon his awakening, it was discovered that Mugglesworth had a profound case of amnesia.  He also found it difficult to speak.  When Hogalum asked him his name, the only word the man could manage to utter was "magnetron," a word he later claimed to have heard in a dream.

Dr. Hogalum and Magnetron became fast friends as Magnetron's convalescence proceeded.  Although Magnetron's identification had been stolen by bandits, Hogalum easily deduced that he had been one of General Hooker's men, left behind in the hasty retreat under the pressure of Lee's advancing troops.  Everything else about him was a mystery.  He nursed Magnetron back to health with copious dosages of his patented Inebriol Elixir, and their friendship grew.  Eventually, Magnetron felt comfortable disclosing to the doctor a curious revelation.

Magnetron was overwhelmed by the emergence of strange new faculties when applying himself to mechanical and engineering pursuits.  Still more astonishing, Magnetron claimed that he was transported to the future while he slept—or at least dreamed quite vividly of the future—and thus was witness to wondrous advances yet to come.  Magnetron yearned to create these fabulous devices he had seen in his dreams, but his memories of them faded rapidly upon awakening.  He resolved to write down as much as he could immediately upon rising in the morning, but his frustration mounted as each morning he would find himself staring at incomprehensible scribblings of his own making, mere moments after he had begun.

Months passed, and Dr. Hogalum was called upon to perform another of his fabled peculiar expeditions, the details of which were never revealed.  Before leaving, he convinced Magnetron to contact the War Department so that his true identity might be known.  Magnetron feared he might be branded a deserter, but complied with Hogalum's wishes.  Thanks to a detailed letter from the doctor explaining Magnetron's injuries and other details of his ordeal, he was identified, duly decorated, and received an honorable discharge, for which he was most grateful.  At length, he returned to Pennsylvania and was reunited with his mother, a petite and fiery woman of Delaware Indian descent.

Mrs. Mugglesworth had been widowed by her husband's violent death, but Magnetron felt no loss for his father, as little of his childhood memories had re-emerged.  Before his untimely demise, Mr. Mugglesworth had run a ramshackle general store in Pennsylvania which rarely ran a profit, but Mrs. Mugglesworth had proved to be the superior businessperson.  Under her adept and often ruthless control, Mugglesworth Mercantile became a statewide concern, and Mrs. Mugglesworth amassed great wealth.

Magnetron peppered his mother with questions about his childhood in an attempt to interpret the source and nature of his unusual abilities.  She was unable to provide him with much information, but Magnetron was nevertheless satisfied that the bullet that had pierced his brain had also affected its operation in such a way as to confer upon him these obscure and frightening gifts.

Magnetron attended university in London for a brief time, but was soon dispirited by the institutionalized adherence to conventional thought he found within their halls.  He confounded his professors by standing to argue with and belittle their learned lectures.  Expelled from class, he stayed in London nevertheless, drinking and carousing.  In a pub of some unseemly repute, he made the acquaintance of one Eldridge Compost, a twisted criminal genius and founder of the League of Miscreants, a clandestine coterie of unwholesome scoundrels suspected in numerous illegal acts.  As a crime organization, the League was unusual in its aims, as it sought not financial gain but social strife and the eventual disintegration of modern society.  Compost admired Magnetron's mind and aspired to bring him into the fold.  Magnetron was too independent-minded to succumb to Compost's exhortations, but they agreed to correspond in the future.

Buoyed by his spirited conversations with Compost, his mood substantially improved, Magnetron answered an advertisement in the Telegraph seeking "unconventional thinkers" and was introduced once again, by the strangest of coincidences, to Dr. Hogalum, and also to a most uncommon assemblage of characters to whom Hogalum served as guide and mentor.  Dr. Anton Karswell Valkusian, Dr. Leonardo Cerebelli, and Mr. Atticus Satyros—along with their celebrated leader—formed The Hogalum Society.  Unconventional thinkers all, they appealed to Magnetron's love of the unexplained and to his distaste for injustice and weak beer.  Magnetron joined the group at once, serving as an engineer and problem-solver on numerous Hogalum capers.

In August of 1868, Magnetron received word that his mother had died, leaving him an estate of massive proportions.  He returned home for the funeral and set about finalizing the innumerable financial arrangements required by his mother's will.  He decided to settle in West Chester, and there constructed his Contrivance Conservatory, a sprawling laboratory complex and home to the Sprocketorium Museum.  He maintained residence and occupation there until his unexplained disappearance in 1901.

Phineas J. Magnetron was a man of average height and build, sparkling blue eyes, perpetually tousled wavy brown hair, and a bushy mustache which he habitually stroked when brooding over some complex problem.  He dressed neatly and conservatively, but often looked rumpled when in the midst of a particularly vexing project, which was most of the time.

Magnetron was a gifted inventor, a resourceful engineer and an insufferably argumentative provocateur.  Although he would eventually get into the spirit, he was often ambivalent about embarking on adventures, as he disliked leaving the reassuring environment of his beloved Conservatory.  Magnetron built innumerable devices from Cerebelli's designs, though many conflicts arose therefrom.  Most of Magnetron's own designs functioned flawlessly; however, they frequently served no identifiable purpose and eventually became exhibits in Magnetron's Sprocketorium Museum of Electromechanical Oddities, a strange and marvelous institution which accepted no visitors.

Magnetron had been an inveterate beer drinker, but developed a taste for Kentucky straight bourbon whiskey while serving in the army.  Associates were fond of encouraging him to drink, as it sufficiently mellowed his ordinarily cantankerous disposition.

He also had a taste for the ladies, although he was loathe to discuss details.  When drinking, he was prone to playing the fool, spending money liberally from his seemingly inexhaustible supply.  He carried a picture of a mysterious woman in a small gold fob, but never revealed her identity.  His housekeeper Mrs. Mackenzie claimed to have heard him say the name "Henrietta" while talking to himself.

Magnetron spoke laconically about the events of his young adulthood, especially his time in London.  Rumor throughout England had it that Scotland Yard had linked him with the unsavory League of Miscreants.  It is unclear whether Magnetron actually maintained these reputed underworld connections, but he was heard to threaten enemies with foul play, and never left his laboratory without his Magneto-Opti-Poke, a cigar-shaped, self-guided weapon of his own design.

Magnetron considered himself to be practical, if eccentric, and usually stubbornly resisted being drawn into the Society's exploits, mercilessly deriding the others' "folly and imprudence."  This was most likely for his own amusement, as he seemed to harbor an intense curiosity and a secret need for the thrill of dangerous undertakings.  When he finally consented to join the group on one of their dubious missions, he invariably quoted Cacambo from Voltaire's Candide, "If we do not find anything pleasant, at least we shall find something new."

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